


Place to Heal Our Hearts, A

by orphan_account



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-19
Updated: 2001-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just as it had taken her some time to get used tohaving someone to come home to, it was taking awhilefor her to get used to him no longer being there.





	Place to Heal Our Hearts, A

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the  
property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No  
copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being  
made from this. The song "You Don't Love Me Anymore"  
is the property of Tim McGraw and his record label. No  
copyright infringement is intended there either. 

Rating: PG

Author's Notes part 1: This is part 4 of a continuing  
series which includes. "Toast to the Future But That'd  
Be a Lie.", "A Blessing and Curse that Love is  
Blind.", and "The Reasons I Can't Stay." 

Author's Notes part 2: I'm sorry it has taken me so  
long to post this. Unfortunately I encountered a small  
amount of writer's block. Thanks to Kat and Lin for  
beta reading this.

****

****

A Place to Heal Our Hearts 

Just as it had taken her some time to get used to  
having someone to come home to, it was taking awhile  
for her to get used to him no longer being there. The  
apartment was strangely quiet now. She wondered if she  
would ever get used to the silence again. CJ wondered  
why she felt that way. In the few moments that she was  
completely honest with herself, CJ knew it was the  
guilt that was bothering her, guilt for what she had  
done. She knew she never should have married Danny.  
Instead of relying on Toby to stop her, she should  
have found the courage to stop herself. She had not  
found the courage, and now she was sitting in her dark  
apartment waiting for a judge to decree that a  
marriage she never should have entered was over. 

Danny's kindness and solicitude had been starting to  
get to her. She had wished he would get angry. His  
anger would be so much easier for her to take. His  
anger she deserved, his kindness she felt she was  
immensely unworthy of. She wondered if, perhaps, he  
was aware of this, and if he was denying her his anger  
as punishment. 

***************************************************** 

She nervously sat at the lawyer's office. She and  
Danny were meeting at his lawyer's office to finalize  
the divorce. Her lawyer was talking with his lawyer at  
the moment. She barely glanced up as Danny sat down in  
the chair across from her. 

"Hello." He said. 

"Hi." She replied. "How are you?" 

"Fine. What about you?" 

"I'm okay." 

He nodded, in the months since they had filled for  
divorce it had become very awkward for them to be in  
the same room. 

She twisted the rings around in her hand. She had  
removed her wedding and engagement rings the night  
that they had decided to divorce. There was no way she  
wanted to keep them. "Danny..." 

"Yeah?" 

"I...um...I have something I need to give back to  
you." 

"What?" He was more than a little confused. 

"These." She opened her hand up and held it out to  
him. 

He closed his eyes for a moment. He could clearly  
remember the moment he had placed each ring on her  
finger. "I don't want them." He said without opening  
his eyes. 

"Danny, I can't keep them." 

"Well I don't want them back." 

"Danny..." 

"No! I gave those to *you*. When I gave them to you I  
never intended for them to leave your hand. Why would  
I want them back?" 

"What am I supposed to do with them?" She asked  
quietly. 

"I don't give a damn! Throw them in the ocean or sell  
them. Either way I don't care what you do with them."  
He got up and walked away from her, running his hands  
through his hair as he did so. 

*******************************************************************

Then there was the problem of Toby. She knew now that  
he would never be out of her system, and if that meant  
she would be alone for the rest of her life then she  
would have to face that. 

******************************************************************* 

She was starring at the lights that were shining just  
outside his window. She opened her mouth a couple of  
times to speak, but somehow the words would not come. 

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Toby asked. 

She opened her mouth again. "This may take awhile." 

"That's okay." 

"Do you remember my wedding day?" 

"CJ, that is a trip down memory lane that I really  
don't want to take." 

"It's rather essential to what's going on right now." 

"Okay." 

"Did you find a letter from me?" She asked quietly. 

"Yes..." 

"Okay." 

"It doesn't matter now." 

"Actually it matters more than you may think." 

"I didn't read it until that night." 

"Oh..." 

"At that time....if I had read it before the  
ceremony." 

"Yeah..." 

"What does this have to do with what is going on  
now?" 

"Danny has read it too." 

Toby was shocked. He was certain there was no way  
she would have told Danny. Maybe in the first few  
days after the wedding he had hoped she would, but he  
had always known her better than that. 

"It was on my personal computer. He accidentally  
opened the file." 

"I don't know what to say." 

"There's nothing you can say." 

"That's true." 

"We're going to divorce." 

"I'm sorry." 

"I really was committed to making my marriage work." 

"I know you were." 

"It was doomed from the beginning." 

He didn't say anything for a moment. Although he knew  
what she was saying was true, there was no way he was  
going to agree with her. "Is there anything I can  
do?" 

"No, I have to get through this by myself." 

"If you do need anything..." 

"I know Toby, I know." She smiled slightly. 

*********************************************************************** 

She had gotten through it on her own. She had not  
leaned on Toby, as much as she really wanted to. She  
had signed the final divorce papers that afternoon,  
and now, courtesy of a suggestion from Josh, she was  
looking forward to a week in Hawaii.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

How far we'll travel  
For a place to heal our hearts  
We watched it unravel  
So why's tonight the hardest part? 

She stepped onto the balcony of her hotel room. She  
couldn't believe she had forgotten how beautiful the  
ocean was. It looked so tranquil and peaceful. She was  
hoping some of that would rub off on her. She turned  
and went to change into her swimsuit. 

She had been laying on the beach for a few minutes  
when a shadow passed over her. 

"Don't you know that laying in the sun can cause  
cancer?" She heard Toby say. 

She opened her eyes to look at him. She almost  
laughed when she saw him. "That's as casual as you can  
dress?" 

He looked down at his khakis and button up shirt.  
"Yes." 

"I guess I should be glad you left the sports coat  
off?" She laughed. 

"Yes." 

"Oh, for crying out loud, Toby! You're on a beach in  
Hawaii, shorts would have been out of the question?" 

"I don't own any." He said as he sat down beside her.

"Oh." 

"You never answered my question." 

She picked up her bottle of sunscreen. "Since this is  
SPF 45, I think I'm rather safe." She handed it to  
him. 

"Why are you handing this to me?" 

"Because I'm going to turn over and, I need sunscreen  
on my back." 

"And you think I'm going to do this?" 

"Oh I know you are." She said as she turned over. 

He watched as she closed her eyes. He poured some of  
the sunscreen on his hand, and started to rub it onto  
her back. He rubbed it all over her back. She moaned  
very softly as he slipped the straps back to put the  
sunscreen on her shoulders. He smiled a little bit. It  
was good to know his touch still effected her. He  
finished and then sat beside her. 

"Why are you here?" She asked after a few minutes. 

"Here as in on this beach with you, or here as in  
Hawaii?" 

"Both." 

"I'm on a beach because for some reason you want to  
be outside. As for Hawaii, it was suggested that I  
work too much and I should take a vacation." 

"By whom?" 

He almost grinned. "That really is not important." 

"Was it Josh?" 

"No." 

"Okay." She lay silently for a few minutes and then  
she turned over. "Would you like to go inside?" 

"I think you know the answer to that question." 

"Yes I do." She said getting up. 

"We're going inside?" 

"Yes." She started to walk toward the hotel. 

Toby quickly caught up with her. When he was by her  
side, he reached for her hand and entwined their  
fingers. 

"Toby?" 

"We'll talk once we are inside."

The end.

  


End file.
